Whoops! There goes another rubber tree...

I haven't written in two months, which is almost the exact amount of time I moved across town and away from a computer. Shlomi got me an iPhone for an early 30th birthday present, so now I can at least access my blog, however arduous. So much has happened these last months with my father's care and in my life, it's hard to know where to begin. My insides are overwrought with things to spill about from not writing in so long. Honestly, it's been the hardest time I've had in my entire life.

I'll start with the week after I wrote last, when I was dogsitting and the dog we were watching killed our beloved kitten, Coco. To compound matters, I dove into concrete onto my left knee tryin to save him which turned into cellulitis and I couldn't walk for almost a week. Both my knee and heart are still sore. Aiden asked if we could take a drive to the beach and put our hands and faces in the sand to feel Coco's kisses again and I am certain a tiny part of my insides died right then. Poor everyone, not the least of which is Coco.

The following weekend, I took the kids to the Harmony Festival which was a much needed diversion. I got to see Rebelution, which is one of my newest favorite bands. I took lots of pictures (inculding ones of my glorious bright yellow knee wrap) so I'll work on getting those up when I can.

Fourth of July, we went to the fairgrounds and met up with a longtime family friend, Suzi Mieger and her troops (she has 5, I have three= party!) which was fun. The following day, we went to pick up our #2 kitten, who was going to be the Sally to Coco's Jack (A Nightmare Before Christmas tribute: We thought s/he (Coco) was a girl when we named her, then she started trying to mate with Annika's stuffed animals and we realized he was a she. We were acclamating to the name change to Jack when s/he met his untimely demise, so we just stuck with Coco, which is what he had gone by most of his five month life. R.I.P. Coco-Jack. We miss you. Okay, back to the new kitty:) They were trying to get rid of the litter, so we ended up taking a calico girl (did you know almost all calicos are female?) and her fluffy orange brother. I still haven't settled on names, but they are happily adjusted and the kids love them, which is what matters for now. I am open to suggestions: So far, mostly the kids have come up with and like: Luke & Leia, Linus & Lucy, Charlie & Lola.... um, yay, tv tributes? Meh.


My dad was set for a new scan after his acceptance to the drug trial at UCSF on the 13th of July. He hadn't been feeling well and we weren't very optomistic. The results came back and shown that his cancer had spread -during his treatment of chemo, while on the trial- from his chest wall, lung, liver and shoulder to also include his kidneys, intestines and colon. Ouch. So, he decided to pull out of the drug trial, as he wasn't actually recieving the drug supposed to be helping and the chemo wasn't.


So, the search for another trial began. With each day, it has become a race as we all watch him slowly turn more quiet and pale. I never stopped searching for diets, old wives tales, new medicies, ANYthing to help for months now. One thing that I have found which is unique in a number of ways is called Phoenix Tears. I encourage you to check out the website and watch the videos- it is really interesting. Also worth noting is the complete legality of it all, due to our great state of California's Prop 219.


I spent weeks getting together the material (thank you so much to my friends who helped with donations, you know who you are) and a full day making it. He had been taking it, eating, sleeping and somewhat less pained when he collapsed in his room on the 25th. After a trip to the ER, 4 liters of fluids and iron supplements, he came home late that night. It turns out Kaiser missed the fact that he has pneumonia, which his nurse -also my friend's mom and a former co-worker of my mom's- caught. He is now taking antibiotics and is feeling better, thought he rarely makes it too far out of bed, which is as crippling to the heart as it must be to his body. But, he is alive, and we haven't lost hope.

Soon after his fall, I woke up with a swollen jaw- apparently, I clench my teeth so hard at night that I broke a filling and part of my tooth out. I also found out that it requires a root canal, which Medi-Cal no longer covers. Fantastic. When I said I wanted curves, my face isn't exactly what I had in mind.

Yet another thing weighing heavily on my plate is that as of last Sunday -three days ago- Tobin has gone to live with his dad. It was a heartbreaking decision, but he got into a charter school where his dad lives and he really, really needs to be in a learning environment that suits him. Also, honestly and not exactly proudly, I have been getting SO frustrated at home. I have been losing my temper and yelling at the kids and getting completely overwhelmed with everything going on. I am known for my patience in general, and especially with kids, and I hate seeing myself break down. Tobin feels things like that very deeply, and part of me wants him to be shielded from my pain, though it increases it significantly. I have been away from him one time for 10 days when he visited his dad from Massachussetts, and my limit is four days in general, which happens less than once a year. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do. Breathe, I guess. Hence my last entry.


On top of all THIS, tomorrow is my last day in my 20s. I can't help but be a tiny bit depressed; I am in the shittiest house I've ever lived in -though the surroundings are wonderful, the water is unusable (insert into the mix vehement confronations with the landlord here) and there is no kitchen or hallways-  and I have been unemployed for the first time in my adult life for three months, which is really rough, in addition to everything else I just listed. I know all of the wonderful quotes and songs I would send to a friend in the same boat, but I tell you- I just feel how I feel.


On a lighter note, I am having some friends over this weekend for my birthday, hopefully it will provide a much needed break and change of pace. I will try to write more often, as always, for my own sake at least.. Adios 20's, let the new chapter begin.


And now, to end with a song from my childhood that keeps getting stuck in my head...


Just what makes that little old ant
Think he'll move that rubber tree plant?
Anyone knows an ant, can't
Move a rubber tree plant
But he's got high hopes, he's got high hopes
He's got high, apple pie, in the sky hopes


So any time you're gettin' low
'stead of lettin' go
Just remember that ant...
Oops! There goes another rubber tree,
Oops! There goes another rubber tree,
Oops! There goes another rubber tree plant.